Barefoot and lightly, the first step is taken, toe first and slow with curious anticipation, as you feel the first blades of grass beneath you. Soon your full weight is pressing down at this sea of green. Anticipation has been yours for some time now because this ground is now your ground. And you’ve longed to walk it. Traipse, galumph or frolic (when no one’s looking) whatever you pleasure cause this is yours and you’ve waited oh so long to walk it. It may have been in that first step, or it may have been a thousand later, but somewhere your eyes noticed the things in your grass that weren’t like the things in “their” grass. The yard down the street, the field a valley away, its wider, darker, greener, stronger, more mature, healthier, funner, more… lovely. And this is life(!)
... It’s a job,
It’s a toy
It’s a house a car
a collection
… a person?
We’re masters of packaging this conundrum. So good in fact I think we play the game unknowingly or trivially. Heck I just did it on my IPod (the grass was greener on the Mumford & Sons side) Many have done this with our carriers. We’ve all done it with things and places. All of these things, in my head, are neutral things, you could have [this thing] or [that thing.] Matters not, go with both maybe. *shrug… “why not.” If you want to many things you’ll indebt yourself for them, and that’s an inconvenience (not to trivialize debt, but in light of what’s after this it doesn’t matter.) Whatever the arena the game is played it stays just that…a game. My head has been stuck in this game play lately: In the past few years it seems I’ve sat in every seat. I’ve been a spectator, a player, the greener grass and the weedy side. (this metaphor is getting too thick, it’s ok I agree) And when we talk about the analogy we all know the ending. “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence” Hop the fence a million times, back and forth and the elusion never changes.
Often times we don’t see the real conclusions of our decisions for some time, years if ever. My observance of my own life and the life of many of my friends as we navigate relationships has shown that we’re often approaching it with the “greener grass” mentality. We don’t call it that, and honestly in the moment I don’t’ think we see it as that. Now before I delve in I just wanna say plainly that there are reasons of substance for leaving a relationship; Psh! we all know that. So I'm not talking about those. What I am talking about is when we approach or navigate a relationship with "the grass is greener" idea driving their decisions, thinking that this person isn't bad, but I think I'll be happier with [that person] or someone they've made up in their heads as someone they'll be happier with, that they've recipied nothing but delusional frustration. I watched as a friend broke off an engagement with little explanation, only to be bounced from attraction to attraction that were never once reciprocated. Multiple friends of mine I've seen brake off relationships only to become depressed, pining back after the one they left or a previous interest. I'm sure none of this is as cut and dry as I just dictated, many of them I know are far from that simple. but as a principle I've seen this being an unfortunate theme when we are deciding the people we do our life with. And I'm not excluded, I had opportunity to continue a past relationship and declined, thinking I was being wiser to pursue someone different. My rational made sense, still does. The things that made our relationship not work last time were things I wanted different the next time around you know. I literally thought to myself, "I could marry this person, BUT I think I'd have a better marriage over here." What a mature decision I was making right?! Well it would have been if I didn't become the grass that wasn't greener down the road myself. How come a decision becomes right or wrong because of the outcome instead of the driving character behind it. I firmly believe that God cares more about WHO we are than what we do. And the "Who" that God is striving for us to become is someone who resembles himself. The bible says we are "made in his image;" We are capable of loving as he has demonstrated love to us. In all areas of life God gives us a better way to live. Romance is no exception, frankly I think God even lays a heavier emphases on the way we love. Here is an excerpt from Proverbs (19:21) , conveying an idea that is not left unsupported by the rest of scripture:
There are many plans in a person’s mind, but it is the counsel of the Lord which will stand. What is desirable for a person is to show loyal love, and a poor person is better than a liar. Fearing the Lord leads to life, and one who does so will live satisfied; he will not be afflicted by calamity.
The counsel of the Lord... Show Loyal Love... fear the Lord [in this]... you will be satisfied.
But Chris [thats me] you don't understand. THEY didn't tell the truth. THEY didn't take us seriously! THEY didn't _______. and yes. Your probably right. They probably did (or didn't depending) I'm not saying this idea is completely rational, I'm definitely not saying that its easy, what I am saying is that THIS is better regardless of the rational we throw at it. But when I look at this passage and read it knowing what else he says about love, "Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church" Which by the way he gave us a picture of in the marriage of Hosea and Gomer (the Book of Hosea) and I don't think any of our jacked up relationships look anything like that soap opera (although I met one man who had that same story, and he astounded me!!) God paints a super clear picture of how he loved all of us. As the husband of a prostitute, Guardian of an unwanted child, Rescuer of a whore... He pushes towards the unwanted, trampled neglected, and says I will love you Loyally, He's described this way over 1300 times in the Bible. You know how much easier it would have been for God to just call a do-over. It only took a mere breath to create us, but to redeem us it took a few thousand years of rejection death and pain to say to us..."I loved you loyally, and as I have shown you what love is, love each other like that too." And in my petty-ness I screw with love like a game? We have an intentional God who has such a bigger idea in mind for you than "I like his shoulders better" or "His last name just flows" (yeah you know you've done that, don't deny it) I'm not saying that you cant enjoy those things, I'm just saying that why do christians make these petty lists and miss the point setting the game with the wrong end goal on the agenda. This is my reaction to all of us that over complicate what God intended romantic love to be, simply an opportunity to become that "who" that we're to be. To display the love and glory of a God who loves loyally. And yet we make decisions by the greener grass on the other side of the fence which seams so much better to walk in. Notice that God isn't denying that the grass probably is greener, so there you go, *pats on the head, "way to be right"... what he's saying is: "your missing all of what I intend to do"... "I want to make you a better gardener." don't we all want that? To be in a place where between myself and my spouse I know there is security and commitment to become better caretakers of one another? That no matter what our marriage may look like I at least know who to invest my heart in? I don't say that lightly, my own insecurities scoff at even the idea of that being a reality, if you don't know me or my story than your missing the largest exclamation point I could draw. I don't have this in my life, many of you don't either. But its what I see described in the bible, so it must be both better, and possible! And if possible... than its who I want to be. To not be treated like mere grass anymore, to be walked on, shitted on then neglected. To have the person I love someday to help me become a better gardener. and after seasons of success and failure pass and pass, to walk on a lawn with her that is both healthy... lovely... and ours!
