"Home"

"home;" one word, only making one syllable, and using only four letters...yet its something that people obsess an entire lifetime to posses. Something people will end their life in an attempt to protect. Some people think they find it by Buying it. Some people think its attained my makeing it. One person travels far away from everyone so they can have one, while another person stays their entire life in the same fifty square miles cause of it. Some people have a good one, some people hope for a better one. As for me...where do I fall in all these contrasts about "home"...well thats an easy answer...no where, I don't get any of um honestly. Home is something that I have only seen glimpses of, in a few moments of my life, typically, moments that last mere seconds, maybe a minute or two. But its never something that I'v known. "home" seams elusive to me. I don't get it, I don't understand it. I don't know what it looks like or feels like. Many of my friends have heard me say that I have never once been homesick...and I haven't. I suppose I would like to be some day...I think ;:-) But I have to have "home" first. Every day of my life I feel like a guest. And I don't mean that in like a super-spiritual, "I am a holy sojourner" kinda way...(buff black man voice) "I am a citizen of heaven"...that's not what I'm referring too. And maybe that will be the only "Home" that I ever know, I don't know *shrug*. In allot of ways I love not having it...I'm not tied to it and it is freeing to go anywhere and do so many things...but I also know that "home" is not a place. So having one doesn't mean that I give that up. For some people it is a place I suppose, but I know its not for me. All I know is that I don't have it...I long for it. I want it...but it eludes me. its like a sick game that I dont even like to play yet I still laugh at its irony and chuckle in its loneliness. Someone deer to me once wrote me a note about it I think seeing all of this about me. praying that I find it someday...and letting me know that IT IS something that when i find it, CAN always wander with me...you may be reading this getting more confused as you read...well welcome to the wanderings of my mind, it makes sense to me. Or maybe if you've read this far you think I'm a yuppy...well the silver lining in both of those is this....it's MY note, that why it didn't mention you...ergo I don't have to care what you think about my gray thrown (and no you weren't actually supposed to understand that part either...extra points if ya did ;) so there :P