So I'm doin, well....what I do...i'm sittin at Starbucks. Working on the book. reading about repentance (well and galationism at the same time) I'm sitting at a table facing the door. the sun is setting and its near blinding. but I get to see all the different people walk in. The looks on their faces, the books they bring in. (the persona they bring in) The lady waring a blue-tooth but hasn't' talked on the phone the whole hour she's been here, but all her mannerisms try to look like savvy business woman. She's got the right shades, the right shoes, the right "piss-off, I'm successful and a woman" look on her face. The emo girl, she's younger, maybe early High school, sitting by her self doing homework. Well...she's kinda doing homework. She's not overkill emo; the clothes are toned down but the eye liner is there. she moves her pencil a bit and looks around at everybody in the room before moving it again. her glance around the room is different though, it asks if people even see her. but the girl that really caught my attention before she even walked in, was "mid riff." I saw her before she got to the door to come in, She's not built skinny, but definitely not out of shape either, young, maybe 18-19ish, between the way she dresses and the way she walks, she's trying to emulate lindsey Lohan completely. And at first my reaction was to roll my eyes. she was trying so hard. but then my thoughts went to how sad her world must be. trying that hard to be worth something, wondering every moment if its working. then I noticed the song that was playing on my Ipod as this played out:
"Love brake me now, strip me down, may your beauty deep inside of me resound, through it be found; come brake me now"
The verses and the heart behind that song just exchanged with the situation as I observed this girl. I tried going and talking with her, I wanted to leave her a book. but I didn't get a chance.
Its these encounters that play in my mind, sometimes for a day, some for years. not sure bout this one?? I know it'll stay for a few days. The reality, the hurt, the pain that I see in people. and how hard they clench to it thinking that thats "just the way it is." When the bible says things like "every knee will bow, and every tongue will confess that Jesus is Lord."... I see it. I don't know for certain how that will look (I'll let ya know then ok) but as I see people; most of them want what my God is, they just don't know that its HE their looking for, crying for. The don't see him as he is. There are so many counterfeits how could you blame them. I remember my counterfeits. God was fake, not like "God didn't exist" I always believed that god was real. but I thought he was as shallow and pathetic as the people that bared his name. the only time I saw them with back bone it was to condemn someone else. And if that was God... than screw him. There was a counterfeit me too...I was powerful, accomplished, FREE...hmm...."free" yeah. that was all counterfeit too. I thought so much and understood little of reality....of truth. thats what I see around me too. Not people who hate God, maybe as they understand him. and if he was as they understand, I'd hate him too. People don't resist truth as much as christians make it sound, they just don't understand it...and that....is our fault, not theirs. From listening to believers talk you think that everybody outside church membership is ready to run our cars off the road for dawning a christian bumper sticker. I guess I just don't see the animosity that others do. Maybe cause I remember what the other side of the fence is like. and I can see that very familiar look..hollowest eyes, dried tears even when they haven't been crying. I remember the weight. I remember the black. Thats what keeps me in the gospel. I haven't moved out from it in the seven years now that I've been a Christian (and I hope I never do!)
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