the rhymes of the times that slip my mind; Day in... and day out. Phrases define the thoughts that negate my mind; forgotten by the tongue; inability to redefine  they bypass the security they'd provide. why's it so hard to find that instead in the divine. Words and wonders, understood and unpacked is the "hope" I attract my means to. to understand to comprehend even the recesses and processes that I possess. course it never gets lonely in there, there's more than I can share... to myself evidently. Much less a world or even a person that I care for or intend for... and what about wait for?!  ...Oh to wait for. Where's the line drawn between romance afar and delusion amidst? am I to know?... Or am i to simply risk? Imagination seams to be my blessing and my course. When the what if's and could be's seam like should and would be's. Am I wrong, am I gone?....hmm; gone? To be wrong in the end seams less than a loss, lower than under, because wrong doesn't mean have or haven't any more; but how could and you shouldn't. I understand the place these rhymes lead your mind. but its not up to your mind to decipher mine. there's allot of hands but only two I see. one that presses and waits for me... one that covers the head of shame; and on the other hand lies all the other hands you see. More you ask...ha!... I know there are but those are the two that I shake. And there is more that baffles my mind, that steals my thoughts and takes my time. but not this time, this time is that time and I'll do that another time.,

Batteries not included

I have dreams and ideas, things I endeavor to accomplish, and the game is seems to be wait. Not do nothing…but wait. The difference is that in waiting, it won’t just happen suddenly. Ideas don’t instantly soar like I think they should. Few people have the means to do all that our heart and mind set to pursue. Which means for the rest of us…we wait. And work one day at a time hoping to move if only an inch a day.

I’m an idealist, I have BIG dreams. Plans to change the world, literally! Unlike most I’m naive enough to still believe as an adult that it’s possible. Good, I like myself with just the right amount of delusional. And so I wait. Not until God snaps his fingers and drops it on the floor in front of me. But waiting looks more like time, it takes time for my reality to take a firm grasp on my ideology: It evolves, typically only seeing progress when you look behind you.

With relationships it’s different: “do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires” God see’s a bigger picture, and doesn’t just endorse what we ask him to, when we ask him to. No good father would blindly do that for their children. But I remain a hopeless romantic.  I can’t honestly say that I wait with so much patience in this one anymore. This is an area that I don’t have the desire to wait but only do so because I know what’s right. I’m realizing more and more that I’m marked, stained. I let past influence experience interrupt how I would like to act, and who I would rather be. So the battle becomes not waiting; but fear of not seizing the day. This can be a wonderful thing if you’re playing the pursuer!!! But becomes difficult when the job you know you have is to wait. Sometimes the task of waiting calls for you to shelve ourselves, which isn’t such a bad habit to consider with this topic anyway ;) But it becomes a battle inside your will, life has taught you one thing and yet you believe another must be true. And when non-activity is the thing you fear the most, and yet what you know is right at this point in life.

Wait for life, wait for love, wait for gradual change to reach the point of ‘noticeable.’ Sometimes I think “will I ever be done with this thing you like to do God?” like someday I’ll reach some pinnacle of spiritual maturity and God will say “Good, got that stuff out of the way, now all you have to do is ask and it’s your…just add water” Like waiting on God is a form of spiritual boot camp instead of a form of intimacy with God. The sad thing is that allot of times I expect that from Him someday. I know it’s not who he is, but I seem to think it’s the way he should be. But ya know, it’s not such a bad problem really, because this kind of thing marks the thing between God and myself as a relationship, I do not own religion! Woot!!

Faith has flesh...

We've been looking into faith at church. And like all things that are biblical, they're to be affective in our life They're not supposed to be words and ideas. they are supposed to actually change our lives! they're supposed to have some skin. some reality.

And so we've been looking at faith. There are so many definitions, most of them crap! The one commonly accepted is from Hebrews 11:1 it says that "faith is; being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Obviously thats a good way to describe it. the originator of the idea is the one who penned it. It does have some vagueness to it. I do like the way that Scott and Jim (the pastors) described it. "Faith is: recognizing that God is who he says he is and will do the things that he has promised to do."

so we looked at poker... basically when life happens; what is the basis of your faith, does it crumble like a house of cards. It will if its not found in Christ. Who is also named the solid rock By the way. but what I'm faced with more is what we talked about this week. Again looking at the Poker idea; Going "all in" every chip you have, all you are, everything, on the turn of one card. And it will determine the validity of your choice. For  Christians looking at faith like this, the character of God is that last card. Noah was a foolish man to do what he did, get up every morning for decades and go out into a field FAR away from water and build a huge boat. The only reason he's not gone through history as a laughing stock is because of the character of God to be faithful to what he told Noah. And because of the outcome of God's faithfulness Noah is a legend who put everything he had on the character of God. That idea of having an all in kind of faith resonates with me. I started writing a book in the first few years after I became a christian (never finished it though) about reckless abandon. dropping everything when God speaks, even thought even christians scoff at this kind of proactive faith, I see it in many characters in scripture. And is something that, since seeing it in print, I have been called out on by God. Most times I do well to be a radical. someways are hard but mostly I kinda like it.

The irony is that going all in has been the question off and on for a great part of the last year with myself and particular girl.(I know it all comes back to a girl right) With roadblocks and obstacles, the frequency of which I have never seen, and obviously never expected. And the question of "all in" was always the thing we kept coming back too...no not sex....but marriage, get your mind back (har har har) So Scott was speaking yesterday in church and he was asking as a means of application, saying "what does 'all in' faith look like in your life." Yeah... that's hard to extrapolate. Thanks allot Scott!! (shmo) With unfortunate clarity, it seams that the best way (not the easiest way mind you ;) of "all in" means placing the chips into Gods hands. I can do that, I can place myself into Gods hands. Actually I kinda like doing that (...usually) Its not too bad of a move  when its not something like a job, or a decision over where to live. For certain it becomes a harder maneuver when placing into Gods hands the object of your affection and not just yourself. My fait and my life seams easy to allow God to shift and shape more readily than to allow it to be more than me and my crazy life. Now it affects more, affects greater... has deeper meaning and effect. God I'm thankful that you are who you are. but at the same time I cant help but be anxious even in your hands... call it a lack of trust, or an unrest, you can if you wish. In my foggy eyes it looks more like weight and gravity. But the assurance is in your character and creativity that I've tasted in my life already, I can read of the heros and cheer the work there, but really, I don't care there as much as I should. But it has connection to me what is already mine, what you already have been. and the promise there is that you never cease being...