Batteries not included

I have dreams and ideas, things I endeavor to accomplish, and the game is seems to be wait. Not do nothing…but wait. The difference is that in waiting, it won’t just happen suddenly. Ideas don’t instantly soar like I think they should. Few people have the means to do all that our heart and mind set to pursue. Which means for the rest of us…we wait. And work one day at a time hoping to move if only an inch a day.

I’m an idealist, I have BIG dreams. Plans to change the world, literally! Unlike most I’m naive enough to still believe as an adult that it’s possible. Good, I like myself with just the right amount of delusional. And so I wait. Not until God snaps his fingers and drops it on the floor in front of me. But waiting looks more like time, it takes time for my reality to take a firm grasp on my ideology: It evolves, typically only seeing progress when you look behind you.

With relationships it’s different: “do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires” God see’s a bigger picture, and doesn’t just endorse what we ask him to, when we ask him to. No good father would blindly do that for their children. But I remain a hopeless romantic.  I can’t honestly say that I wait with so much patience in this one anymore. This is an area that I don’t have the desire to wait but only do so because I know what’s right. I’m realizing more and more that I’m marked, stained. I let past influence experience interrupt how I would like to act, and who I would rather be. So the battle becomes not waiting; but fear of not seizing the day. This can be a wonderful thing if you’re playing the pursuer!!! But becomes difficult when the job you know you have is to wait. Sometimes the task of waiting calls for you to shelve ourselves, which isn’t such a bad habit to consider with this topic anyway ;) But it becomes a battle inside your will, life has taught you one thing and yet you believe another must be true. And when non-activity is the thing you fear the most, and yet what you know is right at this point in life.

Wait for life, wait for love, wait for gradual change to reach the point of ‘noticeable.’ Sometimes I think “will I ever be done with this thing you like to do God?” like someday I’ll reach some pinnacle of spiritual maturity and God will say “Good, got that stuff out of the way, now all you have to do is ask and it’s your…just add water” Like waiting on God is a form of spiritual boot camp instead of a form of intimacy with God. The sad thing is that allot of times I expect that from Him someday. I know it’s not who he is, but I seem to think it’s the way he should be. But ya know, it’s not such a bad problem really, because this kind of thing marks the thing between God and myself as a relationship, I do not own religion! Woot!!