Things to keep myself occupied when I'm 80

#1     brake in all the new care nurses; hit the test button on the heart monitor and fake a heart attack. (note: if your experienced at faking heart attacks know when to quit, typically BEFORE they defibrillate you...unless you like that sort of thing)

#2      you started life in a diaper, if you have to finish in one too, have some fun. hold half until just after your changed....(just like you did the first time around.)

#3     bed pan sledding behind a motorized wheelchair!...(pants are optional, your on a bed pan)

#4     musical prescriptions. (could be fun)

#5      Back talk to anyone waring a suit...just cause they are...and when they say "EXCUSE ME!!" I just fake like I cant hear ..."WHAT??" 


#6      play "Alzheimer's" at the mall


#7      Order a happy meal ...(argue if they wont give you the toy)

#8      When your old you must keep in shape...however being old, you tire quickly. So exercise using a motorized wheelchair and a treadmill.

#9      Group activities are healthy, be creative bingo only goes so far. suggestion: Throw all of our dentures into a kiddy pool on a table...and "bob" for them like apples. (extra points for those not afraid to mix-match)

#10    Learn how to knit; its what old people do

#11    Give up knitting...your old now, you don't have to care anymore

#12    grow and dye a horizontal mohawk, from ear to ear but only around the back. (Dying is optional, but don't do blue, your old and its a Clech'e)

#13   When the kids bring the grandkids to visit, talk rationally, but do things with your hands that scream senile...next time they visit...switch

#14   shadow puppets on your next X-Ray

#15   Call hospital gowns "capes" emphatically... when they tell you differently... run backwards and prove them wrong.

#16   You and a friend (whose name I cant remember) can use stolen stethoscopes like walkie-talkies

#17   Pick one care nurse (the squeamish one) and describe (in explicit detail) anything your body does, followed every time by the question "is that normal?"

#18     Draw stick figure scenes on your medical charts...compile them and publish a children's book.


#19     keep the classics alive...Blare screamo music so everyone knows what music used to be like

#20     Get together with a group of friends and play marbles with your gull-stones...(the biggest grower has a distinct advantage, play to win ;)


*feel free to add others....I do