The other Brush

Frustration... the new game... the tremor that shakes my house of cards. Rumblings from a few fronts. "frustration"...A singe stupid word; an epidemic, Ironically...it's frustrating suddenly realizing that it holds the place of defining me? This is the brush that is busy drawing my picture? and now what does the picture look like?... How often will brushes change before a picture is complete? How many themes will one life hold before it ends? lately I find that its this brush that is splashing my colours. and "frustration" is the word that I find myself reaching to when asked how I'm doing.

frus·tra·tion (sharing the latin root for deception)

- a deep chronic sense or state of insecurity anddissatisfaction arising from unresolved problems or unfulfilled needs 

- The condition that results when an impulse or an action is thwarted by an external or an internal force.

- a feeling of dissatisfaction, often accompanied by anxiety or depression, resulting from unfulfilled needs or unresolved problems.

This is my picture...I don't like it; I would have to be a fool to enjoy it. And this is a far cry from the brush that created so much of the picture before it. That brush, "fortitude" (mental and emotional strength in facing difficulty, adversity, danger, or temptation courageously) I would like to finish the painting that was started with that brush. I know I changed artists. But I suppose that at the time I didn't realize that the picture would be so affected. It seems childish sometimes looking at things..."well God, so why did this happen?" and "where was your will in this?" or my personal favorite "but I was so sure this was you God?" I use that one with such a unique freshness that you'd think I was the first to bring the argument to Gods ear. And so I'm called out...how is my house of cards? Does it stand a little tremor, would it stand the world crashing its foundation? What is its foundation? Because there is only one foundation that will survive a world crashing into it, and that’s the one who overcame the world, Christ. So is he mine? Is the new brush and the altered picture of me a sign of a bad foundation. To you this is going to seam anti-climactic after all these words, but to me, for my picture its powerful simplicity. If my picture is drawn and finished with this new brush, if the new artist never changes it out for another, and continues to draw the way he has been. If I'm to be another doormat to another's peace, If I'm going to be another stepping stone, again a doorman, who's forgotten five feet in the door. Will I still love the artist if he draws a different picture than I think he should draw, then turn around and praise his art to everybody who sees it...(insert dramatic pause)...yes